Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Why Am I Here?

Why am I here? I've asked myself this question many times recently. Having my family torn apart puts every aspect of my life into question. It surpasses religion. It goes deeper than where I go to Church on Sunday. I question my very existence.

I wish I had come up with this idea a couple months ago. I've been pinned up in my empty house searching for a creative outlet for my emotions. Tonight the thought of keeping an online log of my journey through divorce came to mind. I was immediately intrigued at the thought of keeping a completely anonymous and honest blog of my struggles. I would value a log to read over and learn from right now.

I just need validation that I am still here and alive.

My wife and I separated in October. After 3 1/2 years of a rocky marriage I finally pushed the decision to get a divorce. We had discussed divorce before. We had both used it as an empty threat in arguments. But I was the one to actually make the decision and stick with it. So naturally I am the bad guy.

We have 3 beautiful children. Our wonderful daughter came with her mother into the marriage. We had two additional children, a boy and girl. She has now taken them several states (over 2,000 miles) away to live with her parents.

I am alone. I work during the day and I sit in a empty living room at night. My life seems to have lost meaning. That meaning used to be raising my children. Those around me tell me I am still living for my children, but it doesn't feel that way anymore.


  1. Andrew J Davis said...
    You don't know me, and I don't know you, but I read the post. I'm sorry about the pain and loss you feel. If there were words to say that would help, I would, but I bet they'd all seem trite. I will say that there are 6 billion people worth living for; you never know who you may help. Today you helped me.
    Stephen said...
    Ouch, I'm so sorry for your pain, especially at this time of the year.

    Only wish I knew what to say.
    Mr. Divorced said...

    We all have our struggles in life. What you have been through humbles me.

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