Friday, December 12, 2008


I have spent the past few days watching Season 1 and 2 of the Showtime series Dexter. It is an action drama on the life of a serial killer who lives by "Harry's Code" only murdering those who murder. He lives two separate lives posing as a forensics blood splatter expert and family man when he is not chopping up the bodies of criminals.

Throughout the series Dexter claims he has no feelings. The odd thing is he has a never ending dialogue in his head analyzing and reanalyzing his decisions and values. He questions the guidance of his foster father, his identity and what makes him better than the serial killers he murders. You get the impression that deep inside Dexter really does have a conscience, however small it may be.

I am not a serial killer, but I find myself asking these same questions. I have questioned my belief system and morals. I have questioned who I really am. I have questioned if that person I became in marriage was truly me or who I want to be. I question my decisions. I question if I really want a divorce.

In Season 2 after killing his previously unknown serial killer brother (I am not making this stuff up) Dexter goes on a quest to find himself. He has learned that his foster father and hero lied to him. He questions everything that his father taught him. His life falls apart.

The process of divorce has made me question everything I was taught as a youth. My religion (Mormon) is intricately connected to the success of marriage. The failure of it is like pulling on a string that unravels the entire fabric.

At the end of Season 2 Dexter begins to have restored faith in his father's teachings. His life slowly falls back into place as he decides to let go of his questions and doubts and live the way he was taught by his father.

Is this my answer? Is it as simple as me going back to Church and living the same life I did while I was married?


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